Angie and Helen

I'm not tracking my nutrition today. I ate well, I just don't feel like it. I'm in a weird place with nutrition right now. And I don't really feel like getting into it. I will, at some point, but I'm not really in the mood... plus I have no idea what times I ate at :)

I did Angie yesterday for the first time.

[Angie = 100 pull-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats]
Time: 23:43

I think I could do Angie again and shave some time off - I went ginger with my pull-ups, breaking them up into doubles mostly to preserve my hands since I was using the bar that tears my hands the most. I also took it easy on push-ups b/c I wasn't sure how 100 would feel so broke it into mainly doubles as well. All rests were super short 1-3 seconds at most during push/pull-ups, prob 3-5 secs on sit-ups and air squats. Felt good about limiting my rest times but would now like to limit the rest stops and hit it harder and preserve myself less. Now that I know how it feels I can hit her harder next time.

I followed that up with Helen today, even though I did her the other week.

[Helen =  3 rds: 400m run, 21 kettlebell swings @ 1 pood, 12 pull-ups]
Time: 12:01 PR!

Helen felt good, I'm still a shite slow runner but hopefully after doing more sprints this summer I can cut this time down. I super wussed out on pull-ups rarely chaining any and never chained more than 3 b/c my hands were pretty messed up from Angie. I opened up a blister in the palm of my left hand warming up, so in order to avoid opening up anymore that I started yesterday I changed my grip up and held the bar higher than usual - more in my fingers than palms, which gave me four new blisters (one that opened during the wod). Sooo, yeah my hands are pretty fucked right now. I have about ten separate places on my hands that hurt, only two requiring bandaids though, and those should be fine by tomorrow. The tender places just toughen up and the open blisters just need a day to heal so who cares if my hands look like shit and I have to take a day off lifting? I could use the forced rest anyway (if I were to take it).

I also benched twice this week. First time going for a new 1RM... ended at 127# but am pretty sure I coulda had 133# but my spotter didn't want me to drop the bar on my face... can't really be mad at that... or at least in my head I shouldn't be... but I am a little disappointed. I want to be pushed to my extreme. I don't want someone allowing me or enabling my failure. Let me fight for it! I wanna struggle. I need to struggle to hit a 1RM. Don't get me wrong... I do not blame her for me not getting it up there, I just wish she hadn't put her hands on so early. If it's coming down or if I call out for help, grab the bar, but the bar never went downward, just hovered. Hovering means I'm still fighting. Let me fight. And, I shoulda said something. I hate it when I don't speak up. But, I just wasn't comfortable enough to say anything to her about it. She makes me a little nervous about stepping on toes/corssing boundaries/etc, and she's been there coaching much longer than I've been a member there, so I just kept quiet. There's always another day, right? The second day I benched instead of going for a new 1RM, I just did a bunch of reps at lighter weights so that the next time I go for it I can get 133# without question. Previous PR was 125, so not a huge increase but feels good to hit a new PR even if it's small. New PR beats the hell outta failing a prev PR!!

Both my Helen times and Angie times landed me a space on the leaderboard at this non-CFC CrossFit, which feels good (I think my Helen time got me up there today... but I'm not 100% sure on that. Def sure on the angie time though). Makes me proud, personally. It's weird though - while I'm personally gratified by making the leaderboard, other people seem to be way more competitive about it than I am. Billy S wrote an awesome article awhile back on the CFC blog Conundrum expressing how I feel about competition... to sum it up- I wanna do my best. And I want to beat you. But, I also want YOU to do your best. And that last part... I dunno... I don't know that I think everyone here feels that same way.

Every day in the box, you come in and you work. You work with whatever the fuck you've got that day - based on what you ate, how you slept, your mood, the weather for fuck's sake. I may beat you today on the same workout you can beat me on tomorrow. That's life, dude. And, don't get me wrong, there are lots of people here who are supportive and seem geniunely happy when others do well. But there are also some who seem threatened or irritated, or even in disbelief when others hit the leaderboard and I just don't really understand that. Seriously, while it's cool to be on the leaderboard, it doesn't mean anything more than beating someone in any other workout. I can be first or last in any of the WODs throughout the week but no one gives a shit about that b/c it's not one of the 16 or so randomly chosen WODs that make up the leaderboard. You know why I did those WODs this week? Because angie was programmed (we do leaderboard WODs every wednesday), and Helen I did b/c one of my friends was coming in to do it, and I really like WOD'ing with people. I like to compete, I like to chase, I like to lead... I just like to workout. Plain and simple.

I dunno. I like this place, I do. I have just been a little miffed recently about a few things. And, I miss CFC. It'll be good to be back this weekend. I have a busy summer and lots to look forward to. I'm just, I dunno, just venting I guess.